RHYTHM AND BLUES

It's not really the “blues”, not sadness nor depression. It's like a body rhythm as well as a rolling of emotions. Does that make sense? So much of the time my “body rhythm” seems higher and faster, then out of the blue (hmmm) it seems to slow down all at once. As though energy has burned up and I need to get down and reenergize – physically and emotionally. At those times, I like to listen to music that slows me down as well. Changing moods.. listening to other people's sorrow or longing. We are all in this together, and it's good to empathize with even truly bad times some folks go through. I can say, “Oh, yeah. Been there.” or “Thank God, that hasn't happened to me.” (Lots of “been theres”, I'm afraid.) I can turn the music off and the mood with it.

Sometimes there's a real good reason to want to wallow in the blues. It can be an anniversary of some kind. Like the anniversary of my sister Jean's death that is coming up shortly. Looking back and remembering can be a happy, healthy experience, but it can also cause a longing in the soul for someone to fill that empty space that losing a loved one can create. In the past three years I have lost not only my mother and sister, but also two dear friends I had known for many years. I think that is the hardest part of growing older. Not fear of your own death drawing near, but the loss of loved ones.

There are the things in our past that we wish we hadn't done. Or the things we neglected to do. (Thus, my blog title “Some regrets, but still time.”) Is there still time? I ask myself that. Even though my sister and I had reconciled over a misunderstanding that had caused us to be apart for a couple of years, I wish we had done it sooner. Nothing can give back those years. I search my heart daily for events in my life that have caused pain to someone. And I ask myself if asking forgiveness from some of the people in my past will hurt them more than it will help me. So, as some experts tell us to do, I say to myself, and I say to any who read this who may have suffered at my hands, “Please forgive me.” And for my own well-being, I say, “I forgive everyone everything that was hurtful to me.” That should do it until I can be more personal and apologize face-to-face with some of you.

Back to the “blues”.. When I was younger and these times came over me, I used to relate it to some kind of hormonal thing. Then, unfortunately, there were some good reasons to believe so. I was one of those witchy women (know someone like that?) that everyone wants to move completely away from once a month. I would not just have the blues, but be an angry, spiteful person (they called it PMS). As at this stage of life I don't have the hormones to agitate me, I don't get mean when this rolls around. I now think it has something to do with the earth's magnetic field or the tides or some other such pull on the human body. I just know that my rhythm has changed for now. So I listen to some good old blues, and even get up and dance to some of the songs. They remind me of high school slow dancing or the dark, smoky, bluesy clubs and bars of Dallas in the 70s.

Dance with me?

Marilyn