Dear Friends and Family,
As most of you know, Mom died peacefully on December 8, 2023, from COPD complications. She had just turned 84 on November 11 and spent the last year of her life in a nursing home. Although she wasn't excited about living at Park Manor, she more than once told me she felt safe there and didn't want to live elsewhere. Mom entered hospice in October. Just four days before her passing, she and I laughed and played Skip-Bo together. She was not fearful of dying; she was ready and had accepted with dignity that her fate was near.Mom is predeceased by her eldest son, Craig Young. Losing Craig in October of 2021 was the turning point at which her health began to significantly decline. She is survived by her son, Matthew Rider, and daughter, Carajean Archer; daughter-in-law, Amy Rider; son-in-law, Branch Archer; her grandchildren, Cameron and Hannah Young, Travis and Kelly Rider, Audrey Bohorquez, Ashlyn Frederiksen, and Tanner Archer; great-grandson, Phoenix Bohorquez; grandson-in-laws Erick Bohorquez and Erik Frederiksen.
Due to Mom's savvy computer skills and love of writing, she compiled, with the help of many others, The Ballinger High School Class of 1957, 50th Class Reunion handbook. She was very proud of this accomplishment and she kept it at her bedside until her passing. This handbook inspired her blog, which she continued for many years. It was her creative outlet and connection to the outside world. Mom was a journalist at heart, and because of her intellect and being so well-read, her topics were diverse, educational, humorous, and would often make one ponder. Over the years, she would email me her latest entries, and I would be challenged to find the time to read them as thoroughly as I should have. She would always ask, "Have you read my recent blog?" to which I would always say, "Yes!"... even though I may have skipped a few. Now, her blog is a gift, and I'm grateful I can continue to read it and feel her presence.
Mom lived in many places during her lifetime. Because of her outgoing and spirited nature, she became a loving and loyal friend to many. She enjoyed sharing with me the handwritten letters and emails she would receive from all over the country. I fondly remember hearing her tell stories about her life's adventures with friends and family. Even later in life, she continued to make new friends with her neighbors and in the nursing home.
To know Mom is to know that she was very proud of her family. During her life's most difficult times, she would comment on how being a mother made her life worthwhile and the best thing she ever did. I was embarrassed by her family's "bragging" entries. However, I can collectively state that we all felt very loved by Mom, and she would fight tooth and nail for our well-being. She was a fighter and was always there for us.
Mom was a caring, compassionate, and empathetic person. She passed, being most concerned about world peace, the future of our planet, and the people that govern it. Her dying wish was that all her children and grandchildren vote, defend our democracy, and be respectful of our environment.
In many ways, Mom inspired me to become the best mother I can be. I am comforted in knowing her values, and moral character will continue to live on through my children and their children.
I will leave it with a quote from Richard Bach, Illusions, that she posted in the handbook.
"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends."
I welcome any comments, pictures, or memories you would like to share about Mom on her blog.
Wishing you all the best,
Carajean
She was such a beautiful lady in every aspect . Funny , caring she will be missed— Mauro Rodriguez
ReplyDeleteI relished our email exchanges over the last few years. Very sorry to
ReplyDeletehear that she has passed.
Carajean, Marynell and I are very sorry to hear of your loss. Your mother was one of a kind.
ReplyDeleteGene Young
It has taken me this long to process the loss of Marilyn, who I considered my "mama" because she had the heart and guts of a mama bear, yet listened and advised in a judge free zone (particularly on my search for a man!) 😁 I lost my own mom a few months ago, who suffered in agony for year's on end, slowly losing her faculties and functioning. The one thing to be grateful for is that God took Marilyn the way she came into the world, a sprite spunky loving and courageous spirit. And that she is now with Craig, how she has missed him every single day.
ReplyDeleteWhen I went to Marilyn's cottage, it was as if I was reentering my grandma's warm and inviting home. I always felt comfortable with Marilyn and trusted her from day one. I especially liked learning about what a "bad ass" that tiny lil lady was throughout her various careers (gorgeous model, cocktail waitress, sort of a spook/PI for awhile, FEMA, her times taking toddler Craig into work as an executive secretary at a construction-related business.)
Marilyn was always loyal, even when it came to her ex's! (how many of us can say that?) All she remembered were the good times, telling me many funny stories and adventures she had with each of her beaus.) She was such a good friend to everyone. I appreciated her wholesome view of relationships, no grudges held. To summarize from our convos; love is an unknown force, catch the wave, go with the flow until a shift in the air pressure, make your float back to earth as gentle on yourself and family as possible, and keep moving forward with kids tucked safely under ever-stronger wings. She lived that philosophy, telling me about fun get-togethers with CJ's dad, who went on to marry a mutual friend. She thought that wonderful and was so happy for both of them. Marilyn continued that loving friendship throughout the rest of her life. (As she did with all of us blessed enough to have her in our lives.)
I could be your family's bibliographer, I know so much about each of you and literally your pets! She was so proud of her children, grandchildren and Phoenix rising! God bless you all, stay in peace, knowing Mama Marilyn is watching over you. She'll put Craig on the case when difficulties arise, sending his strength and doubling up on the love.
April
Marilyn was a sweet dear person, she had so much compassion.
DeleteI was married to her sister and have known her for over 40 years.
She called me her little brother, so sad to see her have copd.
May Marilyn have peace now and everlasting life with the father.
Marilyn will always be part of me rest in peace.
Thank you so much for sharing this, April. It's wonderful to hear your perspective since your friendship meant the world to her.
DeleteThank you April. It warms my heart to read about how she affected the lives of others.
DeleteUncle Mike, she loved you like a brother. Thank you for the sentiments.
DeleteHi, everyone. I’m Tanner, one of Marilyn’s grandsons. Hereafter, I'll refer to her as Fancy, short for our nickname for her, Fancy Grandmommy. I thought I would share a story and reflections about her here.
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Being the youngest in my immediate family and living so far away from Fancy, I didn’t get to spend much one-on-one time with her until I moved to Austin for college. My first summer there, I decided to enlist Fancy and my sister Audrey as actresses in a short project for a filmmaking class. Yes, I badly needed Fancy’s free labor and talents, but I figured it might also be a meaningful way to connect with her.
To be honest, I was nervous to spend so much uninterrupted time with her, much less trying to invoke the thespian within her. In making plans with her, I gathered that she was also nervous. But part of the reason I went ahead with this plan was because Fancy always encouraged and supported my interest in filmmaking. In hindsight, I realized she endorsed my interest for two clear reasons.
First, she valued artistic expression of all sorts. I remember her encouraging my (adult) mother to play more violin and her enthusiastic support of my sister’s college career as a ballerina. This perspective stands in great contrast to my father’s side of the family, which is steeped in medicine and science. This has created the impression in the grandchildren, I think, that pursuing one’s creative passions can at most be a sideshow to one’s more traditionally productive pursuits. This is not to say that these hard disciplines are not important, but in an age where STEM and direct utility trump all, Grandmommy’s perspective was refreshing. Her and my immediate family’s support of my childhood interest in filmmaking no doubt gave me the confidence later in life to pursue philosophy, so I want to thank Fancy Grandmommy for nurturing the creative itch in her family.
The second reason I suspect she endorsed my filmmaking was that my online videos, which I started posting when I was about 11, were a new way for her to connect with me and get to know me. I remember that no matter how many YouTube channels I started or how ridiculous my videos got, I had a singular, faithful, loyal, and steadfast subscriber, my biggest fan Fancy Grandmommy. Her comments on my videos used to embarrass me, but I also remember, after the embarrassment subsided, an afterglow of appreciation, a sense of feeling seen. Even though we didn’t get to spend much time together in person, she made her love for me and the rest of her grandchildren unmistakably clear through the medium of the internet, as you can see throughout her blog posts.
The filmmaking process went shockingly well. Fancy baked cookies for my sister and me to eat on set, and she was very adaptable to my directorial requests, whether that involved re-arranging all her kitchen furniture or asking her to act out a surprise more vividly. There is inherent vulnerability in working on a creative project together, and I was surprised that our age difference seemed to fade away in our flow state, that her ideas meshed into our creative process smoothly. We had, in short, a great time together.
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When I finished editing, I was eager to share the final project with Fancy. Unfortunately, she hurt my feelings with her reaction. She was taken aback by her physical appearance in the film and failed to meaningfully comment on any other aspect of the final product. I couldn’t help but laugh! In showing it to her, I was, of course, eagerly seeking her validation on the aesthetic and creative merits of the film and on what it meant to her to spend time together in such a way.
I never worked on another creative project with Fancy. I told myself that she was the adult, and she should have recognized what I needed to hear. I’m reminded of this paraphrased quote from Simone de Beauvoir: “Man’s unhappiness, says Descartes, is due to his having first been a child” (Ethics of Ambiguity).
I knew Marilyn when she lived in Denton, Texas and we met at the Unity Church of Denton. She was a sweet, sweet friend and a joy to know. She was so petite and she had the most gorgeous long, dark hair. Marilyn would host some small parties for her Unitic friends during the Holidays. She lived in a cute little cottage type home on the edge of town back away from the road in the woods. She loved it there because she loved being in nature. She was so kind and thoughtful. A very loving person and she always made you feel welcomed. Her home was warm and inviting. Lots of joy and laughter was shared together with Marilyn.
ReplyDeleteEven though we all moved on in different directions as life and time can bring, likewise that same time can bring us back together again in new and different circumstances. Because of the Covid pandemic and the shutting down of the Denton Unity our minister made sure, through the use of Zoom, to keep the weekly Prayer Meeting going. It was during this time that Marilyn found us and reconnected again and I was able to share a few more email visits with her personally.
Marilyn will be missed but I know she's not that far away. She had quite a few Denton friends there to greet her, no doubt, as she stepped through the veil to the other side.
Love you, Marilyn
Bev
She was her happiest living in Denton and going to the Unity Church. I'm so glad you were able to reconnect.
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