Monday, April 13, 2015


As most of you know, my dad died about a month ago. Having gone through periods of sadness, even though I know he is better off and no longer suffering the indignities of being frail and dependent on others for even basic care, there is a hole in my life. Since 2007, I have lost both parents and my only sibling, my sister Jean. In that same time period I have also lost a few long-time friends. Many of the ones left are beginning to have serious health issues, myself included. 

For quite some time now I have been having what I can only describe as a "life review". You know how people who are faced with near-death situations say that their whole life flashes before them? I was trying to tell a friend what was happening to me, and the only way I could describe it was that I was having a life review in slow motion. Seriously, at some of the weirdest times, incidents or images from my past will interrupt my thoughts. I cannot recognize any triggers such as sounds or  smells or music that precede them. These do not consist of anything important or traumatic. Perhaps a scene from a childhood playtime or something I picture from one of my children's early lives. Frequently, they are about something I have never remembered in the past. As I spoke with this friend, I asked her, "You don't suppose I am preparing to die, do you?" - only half joking. She reminded me, "Marilyn, we're all dying from the time we are born."

Watching a review of the Master's tournament this weekend it was impressive when Jack Nicklaus hit a hole-in-one. After all, he's 75 years old! I wondered when I started keeping track of the ages of significant people in the news - or in my circle of acquaintances. I think most of us my age have been guilty of checking the ages in obituaries for quite a few years now. But to actually check on events that occurred in the lives of people I know started with me only recently. I find myself saying to myself, "Mother was this age when she...." and sighing with relief that I haven't done or stopped doing that same thing, and I'm much older than she was then. I really don't wish to live as long as my dad did (96), but I find myself trying to remember how old my relatives were when they died. And what lifestyle helped them to live longer or to die younger. Can any of you relate to this or am I at the beginning stages of senility?

The last time I visited my dad in the nursing facility, he had a few lucid moments when we were able to carry on a conversation. He suffered from dementia, but could sometimes relay in great detail something from his past. I asked him if he held any regrets about his life... was there anything he had done or not done that he regretted? He thought for a few moments and surprised me when he said, "No... no regrets." Unfortunately, I could think of many things he should have held a great deal of regret over! As the title to this blog states, I have "Some regrets, but still time." I hope to be able to repeat what Dad said at the end of my life, "Nope, no regrets." I'd better get busy because who knows how much longer we have on this earth?

I certainly don't mean this to be a gloomy take on growing older, so on a lighter note, I found the quote to the left most apt pertaining to me. I seem to do that more frequently as I age.

And of course there are many examples of seniors taking risks and accomplishing much. After all, Hillary is 67 years old now and look what she is taking on.

Back to politics next time. 



  1. Thanks for sharing your musings about life, death and growing older, Marilyn. Like you, I am the last one in my immediate family, and occasionally have those same questions and comparisons. God and I have a great relationship, so I'm not afraid to die, just curious about when and how that will take place. Until then, I hope I can fully live every day and be thankful. Love you.

  2. Loved your friend's answer!!! We are all dying from the moment we are born! AND you are not senile. I have been having those “remembrances” as long as I can remember. Some good, some not so, and some embarrassing [I was always putting my foot in my mouth, so ended up just leaving it there and hopping around].

    And as for your father, I don’t think he was at the stage where he could remember all the things he’d done….good or bad, and probably felt he was doing the right thing. He will be judged by a higher power; we only need to make sure we don’t do the same things we don’t like seeing in others!

  3. I think you are not in any states of dementia.

    No regrets is for those who have done exactly what they wanted to do, or don't exactly remember what they did.

  4. Great blog. Even at my age, I'm starting to do some of the same things you mentioned.

    Off to the doctor for my annual physical. She's gonna wag her finger at me, I'm sure.

  5. After reading your thoughts, I think that, like you, I also have some thoughts about the past. Like, those times that I should have done something but didn't. I think at times that I am older than my dad was when he died, my brother, and my sister also....I think that we all have those times that we must remember those decisions and think "I wonder what if." It's a little part of our memory. I think that those times are there as memories that show us our way into the future....