WIND NEEDED

These photographs were taken during one of my trips to Amarillo in May of 2008. I thought the first one was pretty cool, and typical of our day and age. Not only is there a wind turbine, but there is also what appears to be a cell phone tower in the background. Both are in the midst of a typical Texas landscape in the area around Sweetwater. There are miles and miles of these structures that remind me of giant, graceful, futuristic birds.

The first time I ever heard of wind energy was in Denton, Texas during the early nineties. I was sent to a country ranch to do some secretarial work for the owner. This house was magnificent. It was modeled after Tara, Scarlett's home in Gone With The Wind, and looked exactly like Tara on the exterior. The interior (what I saw of it) was very luxurious and modern. The office I worked in was on the third floor, and there was a service elevator for my use as an employee. Another served the owners. The man was rather young -- probably in his late thirties. Very professional, but rather sad. I was pretty much turned loose on the third floor, where both of our offices were located, his having a magnificent view of "Tara's" grounds, complete with a small lake with swans. I was to organize some files, tend to the fax machine, take overnights to the Post Office, etc. - there was no computer in his home. Among the files was a copy of either Time or Newsweek, dated a while back. On the cover was a photo of what appeared to be dozens of the wind generators, and reference to an article about the producers of these. I turned to the article to find that it was about the man I was working for and, I believe, his father who together started the business which constructed these massive turbines. From the paperwork I was dealing with, it seemed that not only had the business gone under, but this young man's wife had left him, taking their children with her. I felt badly for him, as everything I was hearing about energy led me to believe this was the wave of the future, and his business was just too far ahead of the times. When I lived in Arizona for a brief period, traveling to and from California I saw these up close for the first time... It seemed as though every mountain on our route between Arizona and California was covered with these giant birds. I had to videotape them when I first saw them, as I was so in awe of this technology, and I thought perhaps they were the ones the man I worked for in Texas helped to build.

I was pleased to hear from a good friend of mine who lives in Denton that as of May 2009, Denton Municipal Electric began purchasing "green energy" from a company called NextEra, which owns and operates a Wind Farm located northwest of Muenster, Texas. The company is providing Denton with renewable energy that comprises almost 40% of its energy on an average yearly basis. Not only that, but Denton Municipal Electric is also using their City of Denton landfill to produce more renewable energy by turning the landfill into gas energy, which can provide electricity for up to 1,600 homes!

I find that amazing! My friend Pam told me that her electrical bill has gone down every month since the new project was implemented last year. I don't have any idea about the costs of such a venture, but living in a small town with no choice as to an electricity provider, I think what a blessing it would be if we could provide the benefits of that technology to our citizens. As it is, most of us are faced with rising energy costs every year until - what? We no longer can afford the basics if we are on a fixed income.

I remember when, during my last marriage, we wanted to put in a solar hot water heater in the country home we were building. This was the early 80s, and we were hearing more and more about global warming, the energy crisis, and how to save on energy bills in your home. This seemed a small step toward doing something to make a home energy efficient. Until we heard the price! To install what was necessary (in those days) for a solar hot water heater it would have cost us $10,000! I think I have mentioned in the past what happened to that house. We did not finish the house. We ran out of money, but most of all we ran out of love!

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I am doing quite well on my "news fast" commitment, and I'm not nearly as anxious or agitated as I was when I spent a lot of time perusing all the news sites on the Internet. However, every few days or so I click on Google News and view the headlines. I find they aren't as "sensational" as the Huffington Post I used to read. If I have heard something on my 30-minute nightly news program I allow myself to watch, or something jumps off the screen at me that is amusing and I wish to know more (like my previous blog on Anne Rice), I allow myself to read about it. A few days ago something caught my attention. Any of you reading this who raised sons can relate to this. I thought it funny. It seems that there is an "International Air Guitar Championship" competition every year. Do you remember your boy doing this? (Photo above right.) He's playing an "air guitar". This year's U.S. National Air Guitar Champion is Romeo DanceCheetah and he looked like this in competition. (Photo at left.) You younger mothers probably will never see your boys acting this way when their favorite music comes on. The new Wii game "Rock Star" furnishes the boys - both big and little - with a mock guitar so they don't look so foolish standing there playing "nothing".. Here's what they look like playing Wii -- the real thing, no?
My thanks to "middle-aged" rock stars, Chris R., Chris G., and Mark. (I can't remember who was on drums.) These were taken at Matthew's 40th birthday party. Those guitars have no strings, guys!

Boys Just Wanta Have Fun!

Music, peace, and love,
Marilyn

ARE YOU "ANTI-" ANYTHING?

I am going out on a limb (again) to talk about an article I read on the Internet. It came from the NY Times, and concerned the author Anne Rice and her quitting organized religion. If some of you aren't familiar with her, she is a best-selling author of a series of vampire books! Yes, vampires. You may have heard of the movie, "Interview With a Vampire", starring Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. That was one of her books. Now I am not a fan of vampire stories -- not since I was a kid and hid in the closet with a flashlight to read "Dracula" by Bram Stoker. Remembering that book still gives me the shivers. I read one or two of Ms. Rice's books to see what all the fuss was about. I don't think I finished the second one. I understand that the new "Twilight" books and movies are about vampires as well.

You would think that Ms. Rice's books and their topics would preclude being a Christian. I remember being surprised about ten years ago to read about her taking up the Christian faith of her upbringing and becoming a practicing Catholic again. When I read this article this morning, I was equally surprised.

"Today I quit being a Christian. I'm out," she wrote. "I remain committed to Christ as always but not to being 'Christian' or to being part of Christianity. It's simply impossible for me to 'belong' to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious and deservedly infamous group. For 10 years, I've tried. I've failed. I'm an outsider. My conscience will allow nothing else.... In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen."

Whew! Even though I am repulsed by some of the practices she has written about in her books, I can relate to her statement above about modern day Christianity. I, too, feel I am an outsider when the Christians I am around start talking about those same issues. I know that is what is behind my inability to find a church home in the last two towns I've lived in. I, too, to borrow her words, "refuse to be anti-gay, anti-feminist, anti-artificial birth control, anti-Democrat, anti-secular humanism, anti-science, and anti-life"! Personally, I do not have to quit being a Christian for these opinions. The Christ teachings I follow didn't discriminate against these issues. Jesus the Christ taught tolerance, acceptance, forgiveness, and love, and his ministry was all-inclusive. He did not discriminate.

I wish more people -- especially those with a less controversial profile (is that being discriminatory?) than Ms. Rice -- would speak out about what is happening to Christianity in this country. Separation of church and state has never been more needed.I am aghast at the so-called Christians in such movements as the Tea Party. I am ashamed when I read of the white supremacists who claim to be Christians. I am ashamed when school boards like ours in Texas are filled with "Christians" who try to force their beliefs into textbooks that will sway the minds of little children into believing history was something other than it really was. This country may be "One nation, under God", but that does not mean we are all Christians. Christians do not have a monopoly on God! Nor were the founding fathers all Christians. We were founded to establish a country of freedom -- and that meant freedom of religion, too. Not freedom to become a Christian only.

If Jesus were here today, he would not be in the hallowed halls of our Christian churches. Or stirring up a political movement. You can bet he would be on the streets ministering to the homeless, the sick, the unemployed. Encouraging us to love and take care of our neighbors -- here and abroad. He would be pointing out what is good and right in people, not what is wrong or evil. He would tell us to celebrate our differences. And you know what? I'll bet he would be a Democrat. At the very least, he would be called a "left-wing liberal"!

Some people got it right. Like Mother Teresa. When asked to join in an anti-war march and protest, her answer was "No. But when you have a march for peace, let me know and I will come."

May we all be known more by the things we are for, rather than the things we are against!Peace and love,
Marilyn

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU LOVE ME...

My mother was a beautiful woman, but a large part of her life she was very unhappy and sad, and it always showed in her expression. Many of her photos show a prominent scowl or definite frown. When she was angry, she could put the fear of the Lord in you with only a look. Ask any of her grandchildren or stepchildren. She told this little story on herself.

Mother was keeping my sister's son, Terry, for a while. He was about the age in this photo - somewhere between two and three, and had not been potty trained for very long, as Jean worked full time and had to leave that up to baby sitters. Terry had an accident, as toddlers are prone to do. (Not the kind of accident you see in this photo. He was truly an accident waiting to happen most of his childhood!) Mother was scolding him as she was cleaning him up and changing his clothes. She told me that Terry was sobbing. He looked up at her with those great big tear-filled eyes and said, "But Grandmommy, I thought you said you love me." "Of course I love you," she answered crossly. Between sobs, he then said, "You don't look like you love me." This really made my mother feel bad about her treatment of him, especially by sounding so mean to him. She really did love that little guy. I used to think he was her favorite grandchild, but that was probably because he spent more time staying with her than her other grandchildren. She definitely showed favoritism to him, and to all her grandsons for that matter. She did not get along well with her granddaughters.

This surfaced in my memory because of a TV show I watch on Monday nights. It is called "Lie to Me", and is based on the real life scientific studies of psychologist Dr. Paul Eckman. He can read clues contained in the human face, body, and voice which can accurately predict whether or not one is lying. On the TV series, the doctor uses photographs of famous people we have watched lie to deceive the American public. People like George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, John Edwards, and famous criminals like serial killer Ted Bundy, to name a few. The same expression might appear on every face shown when they are withholding the truth or out and out lying to us. The show is fascinating.

How many children grow up watching the adults in their lives to see if the expressions match the feelings they have expressed... and are confused with the results. When I was caring for my two grandchildren, Travis and Kelly recently, I found myself in the midst of scolding them (i.e., for jumping on the furniture) asking myself "what is my expression right now?" "Do they think I don't love them?" Then I would try to put on a big smile! But they didn't take me very seriously when I did that. Oh, my gosh... Raising children is so difficult. No wonder, as a young mother at age 18, I made a lot of mistakes. Especially when my own mother was the kind of role model she was. She didn't know better either. She was only 17 years old when she gave birth to me.

I remember having an "aha" moment when the pediatrician I took my children to had a handout of the following poem. I was desperate for training at this thing called "parenthood".

Children Learn What They Live

By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

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Just because some of us have children who are all grown up doesn't mean they no longer need our approval, praise, recognition, and acceptance. And most of all our expressions of love - even when our words do not reflect love at the moment.

Peace and love,

Marilyn

THE OWL AND THE BUTTERFLY

I attended the funeral of my great-grandmother when I was eleven years old. I hated it. No one in my family took time to explain to me what had happened to her, and they forced me to look at her in the casket. "She's in Heaven with Jesus." Somehow that did not comfort me. I refused to attend any funerals for years after that.

In the early 90s, I had this wonderful young friend from Unity. She didn't talk, she "bubbled". Her enthusiasm for life and everyone she met was unparalleled. I was licking my wounds from my recent divorce, and was not getting out much. She visited me often, and talked me into going places when I only wanted to stay home and suffer. When another friend of ours' mother died, I voiced my fears of attending funerals, Terri pooh-poohed me and said, "Come on, Marilyn, we are going to that funeral. Carol needs us." As we started out on our journey to find the country cemetery where the graveside service was being held, suddenly a huge owl swooped down across the road in front of us. So close to the car we could see its feathers; so close we both ducked! It wasn't dark yet, and since I was familiar with Native American spirituality, I told Terri that some tribes considered an owl an omen of death. Again, she reminded me of our destination, and said, "Wel-lll?"

If that had been the only incidence I don't think it would have stood out in my memory as it does. However, on another trip with her on this same road near my country home, it happened again. It must have been the same owl. We looked at each other, and I shivered this time. In the three short years that I knew Terri, she dragged me to three funerals, and then was instrumental in helping me keep myself together when my son's young fiance was killed in an automobile accident. We were all devastated and I moved around like a zombie. Terri was there for me, and took on necessary chores I could not face. She was at the visitation, dressed in black... a black satin jumpsuit... with her halo of natural platinum blond hair hinting at the angel she was for us. She drew the crowd of people -- none of whom she had ever met before -- of so many different backgrounds and beliefs, together with her warm, loving nature. When she talked, you knew that the deceased person was, as she said, (tapping a strange man on the chest) "forever in our hearts". And that someday, in some fashion, we would all be together again.

Four funerals in three years! And then a terrible blow. This bright young mother of two, so full of life and joy and music, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The months that followed were a blur to me. She was in and out of the hospital, had three operations, bravely stating that she was going to beat this disease. But I could be there for her. After all, she had been preparing me for this all along, although neither of us realized it. At one point in ICU, she turned to me, squeezed my hand, and asked me, "What's going to happen, Marilyn? Am I just going to go to sleep one day and not wake up?" "If that's what you want", I answered. And after she had made all the arrangements with her family and discussed her final wishes with them, I contacted a beloved Unity minister who was out of state at the time and told her Terri wanted her to conduct her service. She said she hoped she could return in time. Days later, after Terri met with Grace, who did make it back to Texas in time, when I arrived at the hospital before going to work the nurse leaving her room told me Terri was no longer with us. She had had her morning bath and said she wished to sleep for a while. She did not wake up from this sleep..

It was a joyous funeral, full of music Terri loved. Terri was a music therapist, and played guitar as well as piano. The chapel was packed to overflowing; the front rows full of the mentally disabled men that Terri helped take care of at the State School. Most of them called her Mama. They clapped and cheered when the minister talked about the happy person we all knew and loved. Terri would have liked that.

And I do carry her in my heart.
Marilyn

MORE MUSINGS

BAD MONKEYS

Having my two youngest grandchildren for a few days recently reminded me of a time my two oldest grandchildren, Cameron and Audrey (both three years old at left) stayed with me when I lived at the barn. They had recently seen The Wizard of Oz. By this time I had heard the psychological viewpoint that very young children probably should not view this movie, as it sometimes scares them. When these two precious little ones stayed with Fancy Grandmommy, they were scared to venture outdoors alone. My little "barn" was surrounded by woods, and Cameron scared them both by saying "the bad monkeys are in the woods"! It took me a while, questioning him carefully -- after all, I had seen a coyote or her pups a time or two -- to realize he was talking about the "flying monkeys" in the Wizard of Oz!! It was a long time before I could convince either of them there were NO monkeys in my woods, even though I was glad they never strayed from the front yard. Later, though, Cameron helped me deal with the "bad squirrels" who worked their way into my home! We captured them in a cage loaned to me by animal control, and very carefully loaded them into the car and carried them to release in the country a few miles away.

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Lately I have had an upsurge in the incidents of raccoon visitation. Having found some scat in the front yard that was unusual (I was at first concerned that the Great Danes from next door might have been making visits again), believe it or not, I looked up raccoon scat images on Google and found identical photos to what I had in my yard! My neighbor had mentioned to Matthew at one time that he thought there were raccoons living under my house, but until now, other than a sighting of a very strange looking "cat" with a pronounced ring tail scampering away into the bushes next door at dusk, I never really saw any evidence. Examination of the scat showed birdseed (obviously from my back yard bird feeder), and berry looking seeds like Lantana seeds. My neighbors have a small garden right next to my front yard, so I am assuming that was an attraction as well as the bird feeder. Also, I had noticed that something had captured a bird in the last day or two that left feathers scattered in the back yard. I didn't know that raccoons could be carnivorous, but apparently they eat most anything they can catch. A call to the county animal control officer reassured me. No rabies. However, all of her traps were currently loaned out, and it will be next week before she can come over and set them for my furry creature(s). I have a trap, but she prefers the kind that opens at both ends, as she will release most animals if they appear healthy, and the open ends type are safer for her doing this. I like that. I'll let you know if we catch anything. Maybe I'll even get some pictures. I just hope we don't catch a neighbor's cat!

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I love searching for music to post on my blog. Of course, the newest popular songs and singers, for the most part, aren't available. Can't say I blame them ~ they still need to sell those CDs! I prefer the older singers and songs anyway. You older readers can relate when I say that there are NO singers today that have the instant recognition by all ages and all over the world as the ones of yesteryear, like Louis Armstrong, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, and even Elvis Presley. When their voices came over the air, there was no doubt who was entertaining us! A few from more recent times may still be recognized by us old timers as well as the younger generations.. like The Beatles, Willie Nelson or Johnny Cash. I'm not saying there aren't really good singers today, but that these newer singers are not listened to enough, or recognized by our older generations. And you know what? The older songs were easier to understand the words! Weren't they?

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Recently I started thinking about magazines I subscribed to through the years. I got a big laugh when I saw the correlation to the times of my life! When I was a very young married mother with children the magazines in my home were Redbook, Ladies' Home Journal, Good Housekeeping, Family Circle, and Parent's Magazine. During the years I was a young, single parent there were Cosmopolitan, Psychology Today, "D" Magazine, and Playgirl. (I still have the issue with the Burt Reynolds centerfold!) I'll never forget when my older son was taking a psychology/sociology class in high school. Apparently, the teacher asked the class what magazines were read in their homes. When Craig told her my reading habits, she said she wanted to meet me! Of course, I invited her to dinner. We all had a lively discussion about the latest Lenny Bruce uproar, and the power of the word.

Moving on, again as an (older) single woman, I read - as I could afford the subscriptions - Time, Noetic Sciences Journal, Yoga Journal, New Age Journal, Scientific American (only a one-year subscription, as most of the articles were waaaay over my head!) and Daily Word, which I still subscribe to. In more recent years, my reading habits leaned toward Country Living, Texas Highways (briefly Arizona Highways) and Texas Monthly, AARP, Sunset Living, Reader's Digest (which my dad subscribed to as a gift to me), and Birds and Blooms. Wow! does that sound old or what? At least I haven't been into RV Living or something like that. Mostly, I have let all my subscriptions expire now. I think that must mean something metaphysical. You think?

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I read the following on the AOL Good News Now site. If you haven't checked this site out yet, I encourage you to. The stories and pictures on this site are guaranteed to renew your faith in mankind as well as give you new hope for the future. Some stories often bring a smile, like this one:

ComicConnect.com

"A couple facing imminent foreclosure has Superman to thank for saving their home. The anonymous couple were packing to vacate their house when they found an Action Comics No. 1, the comic book debut of Superman. It is estimated to fetch at least $350,000 at auction."

Boy! Don't you know those people were saying, "There really is a God!"

Until next time..

Peace and love,
Marilyn

RHYTHM AND BLUES

It's not really the “blues”, not sadness nor depression. It's like a body rhythm as well as a rolling of emotions. Does that make sense? So much of the time my “body rhythm” seems higher and faster, then out of the blue (hmmm) it seems to slow down all at once. As though energy has burned up and I need to get down and reenergize – physically and emotionally. At those times, I like to listen to music that slows me down as well. Changing moods.. listening to other people's sorrow or longing. We are all in this together, and it's good to empathize with even truly bad times some folks go through. I can say, “Oh, yeah. Been there.” or “Thank God, that hasn't happened to me.” (Lots of “been theres”, I'm afraid.) I can turn the music off and the mood with it.

Sometimes there's a real good reason to want to wallow in the blues. It can be an anniversary of some kind. Like the anniversary of my sister Jean's death that is coming up shortly. Looking back and remembering can be a happy, healthy experience, but it can also cause a longing in the soul for someone to fill that empty space that losing a loved one can create. In the past three years I have lost not only my mother and sister, but also two dear friends I had known for many years. I think that is the hardest part of growing older. Not fear of your own death drawing near, but the loss of loved ones.

There are the things in our past that we wish we hadn't done. Or the things we neglected to do. (Thus, my blog title “Some regrets, but still time.”) Is there still time? I ask myself that. Even though my sister and I had reconciled over a misunderstanding that had caused us to be apart for a couple of years, I wish we had done it sooner. Nothing can give back those years. I search my heart daily for events in my life that have caused pain to someone. And I ask myself if asking forgiveness from some of the people in my past will hurt them more than it will help me. So, as some experts tell us to do, I say to myself, and I say to any who read this who may have suffered at my hands, “Please forgive me.” And for my own well-being, I say, “I forgive everyone everything that was hurtful to me.” That should do it until I can be more personal and apologize face-to-face with some of you.

Back to the “blues”.. When I was younger and these times came over me, I used to relate it to some kind of hormonal thing. Then, unfortunately, there were some good reasons to believe so. I was one of those witchy women (know someone like that?) that everyone wants to move completely away from once a month. I would not just have the blues, but be an angry, spiteful person (they called it PMS). As at this stage of life I don't have the hormones to agitate me, I don't get mean when this rolls around. I now think it has something to do with the earth's magnetic field or the tides or some other such pull on the human body. I just know that my rhythm has changed for now. So I listen to some good old blues, and even get up and dance to some of the songs. They remind me of high school slow dancing or the dark, smoky, bluesy clubs and bars of Dallas in the 70s.

Dance with me?

Marilyn

IN CASE YOU NOTICED...

Those of you who regularly follow my blog may have noticed that I like to change things from time to time. The current blog design is a new template from Blogger. Only one person mentioned the change. Let me know if it's more difficult to read. I kind of like the look.

While I have been working on a new blog post, I decided I was tired of listening to the same upbeat music. In fact, I wanted to hear some down and dirty blues... Well, not really dirty, but really down! The current playlist won't be permanent. Just 'til I get out of this "bluesy" mood. In the meantime, if you are reading this, send me a favorite song or two in the "happy" genre.

See you soon...
Love,
Marilyn